"The Cheerleaders Don't Understand"

ENTRY #12 21. 03. 2022 1:32PM

i survived. im engaged now- to the person from the petrol station. im not better. im worse. and it wont go away

ENTRY #11 12. 07. 2019 06:11PM

He's with her now. They're together. I'm so glad he's happy and he hugged me so tight after he told me. Part of me still wishes we were still together but he desevres someone who has the time and energy to look after him, I love him. I'm glad he's happy.

ENTRY #10 07. 07. 2019 08:48PM

Party was good. I got drunk and went for a walk along the beach with ssome people at 6am.

ENTRY #9 02. 07. 2019 05:57PM

I feel so strongly like I'm being watched. I want to blame this on my headbut I've neer felt it like this before. Im so so scared, I want the feelig to leave but it's really like there's something here this time.

ENTRY #8 30. 06. 19 12:28PM

Party was pretty good. I stayed up all nught playing eye-spy with this guy in the back yard. He let me decorate his skateboard. I feel sooo hungover so im gonna go sleep forever.

ENTRY #7 28. 06. 19 03:35AM

I can't sleep like at all. I'm not even depressd or manic or anything, I'm feeling quite good I just can't sleep. The sun is starting to come up and I can hear the birds outside, I've been wathcing pewdiepie videos. I have no plans til saturday (whoo party) so hopefully i can get to sleep tomorrow night (or later tonight).

I also still can't find my vape

This is what I wore to the exhibition it was really really boring and hal my work was missing anyway. I dont know why I felt the need to document the last time Ill ever be in these toilets but I did so enjoy. I also look weirdly grey??????????????? Im not quite sure why really

ENTRY #6 27. 06. 19 04:12PM

Slept for 13 hours again like the joke I am.

I have my final exhibition for art in a few hoours :( even though got an A and I hate the subject I'm still kind of sad I dont get to do it anymore. I'm movng up in the world and studying astro-physics because I acctually want a job (no offence art students). I am going to go get ready, sorry my blog is so boring compared to everyone elses. Bye Bye!

ENTRY #5 26. 06. 19 10:03PM

Applied for a job at the gas station to work nights. They immediately emailed me back to tell me that im not the kind of person theyre looking for.

I don't think they want me to work at the gas station

ENTRY #4 26. 06. 19 11:58AM

I'm so dummmmbbbbbb! I had therapy yesterday at like 5 and my dumbass forgot what day it was and missed it. I can't kll my self right and I can't even attend therapy properly. dumb dumb dumb.

ENTRY #3 26. 06. 19 01:06AM

I can't find my vape

ENTRY #2 26. 06. 19 01:02AM

This is what I looked like about a month ago

that jumper has loads of stains on it now

I woke up really late after a super bad nights sleep. I had one piece of garlic bread for brekafast and a cup of coffee.

I built a bed for my sister then went and bought some pick 'n' mix with my mum. I then worked on my site and had pie for dinner

I've been feeling fine for ages until just now I've strated feeling really shakey and drained. Hopefully, nothing harmful hapens to me. I hate that I loose control sometimes, ugh.

I want to have a smoke but but my parents are home and I'm running low on baccy. Once I pay my cousin back hopefuly she can buy me some more. I'm gonna vape a bit then sleep. Night

ENTRY #1 2. 06. 19 12:07AM

im not okay

my head is aching and my lungs feel like they might collapse
my breathing is normla but my body is shaking i need to run and esape
but what from

i want him back to calm me down but he's not around
i cant reach out to him but he hurts so much
i loved him so so so much

i dont anymore and i hate myself for it

i wish we could have worked out

but my new 'relationship' is so good

my mind is so torn i wish i could remove my depression id cut off a limb if i had to